Scritti Politti: May 21, 2009

Scritti Politti: May 21, 2009

When I first heard the news that the authorities had thwarted a terror plot in New York, I was deeply pleased, wholly relieved, and singing the praises of the law enforcement agencies whose tireless work kept the public safe. But now, a day has passed, and I'm starting to feel doubts! After all, these were people who "stated that they wanted to commit Jihad!" You know what that means! THESE ARE PRECISELY THE PEOPLE WHOSE TERRIBLE MAGIC POWERS CANNOT BE CONTAINED BY OUR PRISONS!

I can only hope, of course, that these men are being spirited away right now to GITMO, where powerful necromancy, two types of fruit, and the eligibility for a single colonoscopy when inmates turn 55 are the only things that prevent captured jihadists from wreaking destruction with their terrible, supernatural powers. Surely we don't mean to house these men in the same facilities as common criminals, like common mass-murderers and Bernie Madoff!

Representative Peter King was one of the people who said that the state of New York was far too wussy and incompetent to even think about housing terrorist inmates. What did he have to say about this matter?

Rep. Peter King, the senior Republican on the House Homeland Security Committee, was briefed on the case following the arrests.

"This was a long, well-planned investigation, and it shows how real the threat is from homegrown terrorists," said King, of New York.

What? He's okay with all of this? He's okay with the fact that this was a "long" and "well-planned investigation?" First of all, why isn't he rending his garments in a melodramatic display of concern for the fact that these criminals are too dangerous to remain in the continental United States? Second of all, why isn't he beside himself with rage that the authorities took their sweet time with all this "caution" and "planning" when they just could have waterboarded the bejeezus out of somebody, anybody?

According to reports, "The defendants were jailed Wednesday night and couldn't be contacted for comment." So maybe they are now officially in the Phantom Zone, with all of Krypton's most dangerous scofflaws! In the meantime, I strongly urge the House GOP to immediately introduce the "Keep Terrorists Out Of America Part Two: We Really, Really Mean It This Time With Feeling Act" so that these evildoers will finally start taking us seriously.

The Pentagon has provided no way of authenticating its 45 unnamed recidivists, and only a few of the 29 people identified by name can be independently verified as having engaged in terrorism since their release. Many of the 29 are simply described as associating with terrorists or training with terrorists, with almost no other details provided.

Free The District Of Columbia: Sommer Mathis introduces Washington, DC to the latest group of out-of-towners who want to impose their own social experimentation projects in place of the will of the DC's citizens:

A handful of socially conservative House members gathered reporters this afternoon to introduce a bill that would define marriage in D.C. as a "union of one man and one woman," Politico reports. The effort is designed to signal opposition to recent D.C. Council action that would allow same-sex marriages legally performed in other states to be recognized in the District, as well as any further local legislation that might come this year to legalize such ceremonies in D.C.

Get to know Reps. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), Tom Price (R-Ga.) and Dan Boren (D-Okla.), D.C.! They have come forward today to represent you, despite never having appeared on a local ballot. Longtime District villain Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) is also a co-sponsor, naturally.

Healthcare Reform Gets A Champion: WaPo's Steven Pearlstein has a great op-ed today about the need to take a strong step in the direction of a new health care system:

We can certainly applaud policymakers for their reluctance to enact another expensive and popular entitlement program without finding the money to pay for it. But it is folly for them to put themselves in a political and procedural straitjacket. In all of history, no revolution was ever made by budget analysts. Health reform requires leaders with the foresight and confidence to take a leap into the unknohwn.

Skynet reconsidered: Choire Sicha reviews Terminator: Salvation and is prepared to welcome our new machine overlords. And let's face it, they probably will offer him a better per-clickthrough pay rate than he's used to getting from his former human overlords.

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